hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
