when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
