My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize