Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Randomize
