It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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