haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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