Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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