I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
