I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
