ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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