Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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