it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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