don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
