I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
