Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
