wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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