You're my little dorito
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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