Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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