I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
