She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
