My friends, they love my intelligence
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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