The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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