best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
