new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
