I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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