Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
