he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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