Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
