didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
