we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
