She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
