What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
