I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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