Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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