Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
