you would pick up someone in the library
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
