She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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