best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize