I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
