Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
