If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
