I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
