you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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