break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
