I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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