He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So much rum. So many feels.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
