im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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