Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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