Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Randomize