yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
