its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
