hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
