You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
