yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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