Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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