i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
