So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
this just has baby written all over it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
