He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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