he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
