I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize