Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
