I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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