you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
