Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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