Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
