what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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