watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
