i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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