Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Nobody cheats on THIS.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize