Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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