i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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