drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
