I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
