Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
