it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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